The Imposter

Ahh the new common infliction we've all seemed to catch, the infliction which explains our entire life story, our failings, our set backs and accomplishments. IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

For those not yet in the know -oh lucky you-, Imposter Syndrome is basically a thought pattern in which, despite our successes, we feel inadequate/unworthy/incapable/etc. Aka basically me my whole life. Oh you too? I feel it, I feel it.

Often those experiencing Imposter Syndrome, are so oblivious to their successes that they read the definition and think, "well that's not me because I've never really succeeded in life so I have nothing to feel unworthy of". And that is me. I have been SO blind to the ways in which I have succeeded that I am quite honestly shocked every time someone congratulates me on anything. This is no false modesty my friends, I full on have never acknowledged or even thought to acknowledge that, a. I have attempted to do something, b. did the thing, c. completed the thing and felt any sort of accomplishment. Whether it be for my educational accomplishments, personal or career accomplishments. Honestly? It was never enough. I always found a way to discredit myself, dismiss the feel good feelings, and chalk it all up to just being lucky if anything.

Those who experience Imposter Syndrome can also have self-destructive behavior without even knowing it because they feel so much that they don't belong where they are and that they don't deserve to be where they are! They might look around at others on the board of directors they sit on, the team they manage, or their co-workers and think, "What am I doing here, look at these people who are qualified and capable of doing this work, I don't belong here, I'm an imposter!". They also tend to be chronic perfectionists as a means to compensate for what they view as their shortcomings.

Other signs of this include not attempting to move towards things you want. For me, this looks like having a great idea and it not moving further than a thought. Why? Because I don't feel I have what is required to do the thing so why waste the energy exploring it? The preferred response I am working towards now is, having an idea, exploring and researching said idea, making a plan to make it happen, and then executing the plan.

Recently on Instagram I asked everyone what their tips & tricks are for not letting Imposter Syndrome get in the way of doing amazing, great things. Here are my favs:

| Journaling - I'm sure we're all super tired of being told to journal, journal, journal. BUT what I can say is it can be super helpful to work things through and see how we've progressed over time. And it doesn't need to be yet another chore to complete. It can just be writing little notes to yourself, typing away on your laptop, recording videos, etc. Don't feel like journaling? Maybe at least take time to sit and think. No phone, no TV, no music, no talking. Just think. My favorite question to pose to myself in my journaling when I'm feeling particularly incapable? If I had nothing whatsoever standing in my way, what would I do with my life? Now, how can I make that happen?

||Have back up thoughts for when bad ones come - It's true, pesky self-destructive thoughts DO come up so it's best to have a back up plan. Have a process for how you'd like to walk through these thoughts when they appear (eg. when a bad thought comes up I need to ask myself 1. what event caused it 2. where is this reaction to this event coming from 3. Can I replace this thought with something more productive?). It can be helpful to have a list of alternative thoughts prior as it can be hard to think of positives when you're in a negative head space. And remember as my good friend Rya taught me, these negative thoughts she calls 'joy thieves', wouldn't be here if there wasn't something magical, worthy of stealing.. because thieves don't rob empty houses!

|||Pretend you're walking someone else through your situation - What would you say to your best friend if they wanted to apply for a stellar job, start their own business, etc? This is gold. Often many of us are better at helping OTHERS than we are at helping ourselves. We can look at another life and see all the great things.. usually greatness is all we see in fact. In many of my guided meditations I use something similar, where the meditator is asked to see themselves as their child self, speak the bad thoughts they're saying now to their younger self. It's difficult and emotional because we don't want to harm others the way we harm ourselves. So, when we find ourselves in a situation where we're doubting our ability can we step back and view our life objectively as an outsider? And then can we explain to ourselves the many ways in which we are indeed capable? Because we are.